Our Adoption Story

Our adoption agency asked us to write down our adoption story to share with other adoptive families.  It has taken me awhile to do it!   I don't know why, I think I still get emotional about it and wanted to avoid reliving some of the details.  In reality, our story is beautiful.  We are so lucky!  I hope it gives hope to other adopting families. 

     Jeff and I are high school sweethearts and decided to start a family as soon as we got married.  We were devastated when we found out we had to go through fertility treatments and our "plan" had been disrupted.  In reality, the fertility treatments were just preparing our hearts for adoption.  I firmly believe God wrote adoption in our life story and has blessed us with our beautiful daughter.  We have a wonderful story of how beautiful adoption can be.

     After our last failed attempt at IVF, we immediately began looking for an adoption agency.  We were overwhelmed by the information on the internet and didn't have any friends who had previously adopted for advice.  We chose American Adoptions because their web site and pamphlets were incredibly informative.  We felt as if they had answered any questions we had and realistically prepared us for the adoption process. 

     After two weeks of being Active through the agency we got a call from the agency saying that a birth mother was interested in us, but she wanted to talk to us before we were an official match.  We were overflowing with excitement and extremely nervous.  We thought it was incredibly mature and loving for the birthmother to want to make sure she was making the right decision on the family she placed her baby with.  We immediately respected her.  One week later, we had a conference call with the birthmother and her case worker from the agency.  The birthmother was even more nervous than we were and had a hard time speaking to us.  Her caseworker did a great job encouraging the birthmother and reminding her of the questions she wanted to ask us.  I remember laying on the kitchen floor because I was so nervous and just talking.  Jeff was pacing through the house.  We wanted her to know about what a loving family we were without overwhelming her.  We started talking about our current family traditions and future plans.  The birthmother didn't talk much so Jeff and I didn't know how to take the conversation when it was over.  Thankfully, the caseworker was able to talk to us privately after the conversation to explain how nervous the birthmother was and how she wanted to try our conversation again next week so she could try and actually talk to us.  We were relieved and eagerly agreed to talk to her again.  One week later we spoke with the birthmother again and the conversation was wonderful.  We learned that she was in college and had dreams of going to medical school.  She didn't feel that is was fair to the baby to be raised in that environment and wanted more stability for her.  We talked about naming the baby Violet, and she thought it was pretty as well.  She asked if we had a middle name picked out.  We told her we were not for sure, but thought Marie was pretty.  She said she would love that because it was her middle name!  I was covered in goose bumps.  I felt like God was reassuring me that this was our baby.  Violet Marie was immediately confirmed as the baby's name.  After the conversation we were officially matched with our birthmother and even set up a time to meet with her before the baby was born.  We couldn't believe we were actually going to meet her!  We felt so lucky. 

     One week later we met for dinner with the birthmother and her social worker.  We were once again incredibly nervous!  What if she didn't like us?  We were waiting in the lobby on the restaurant when a beautiful, blonde pregnant girl walked in.  She shyly approached us and tried to shake my hand.  I couldn't help it, I had to hug her!  Jeff went in for a hug too and she laughed and said, "thanks, I am a hugger too".  What was supposed to be dinner turned into a 21/2 hour evening.  We laughed and talked the whole night.  We didn't mention the baby much, but spent the evening getting to know each other.  We learned so much about her that evening, which we will always treasure.  We have so many stories and facts about her to tell our daughter.  Her main concern was that her daughter be placed in a loving Christian home with two parents.  She exhibited so much strength and love for her child.  She said that she picked us because we reminded her of her parents.  That is the best and most reassuring compliment we could receive from her. 

     We spent the next couple weeks preparing for our baby girl.  We were supposed to have a conference call with our social worker about what to expect at the hospital and other legal issues.  Our call was postponed about 30 minutes and we all got connected we learned that there had been a change in plans.... our birthmother had gone into labor!  We needed to travel!  Jeff and I rushed home, finished packing our bags and were literally throwing stuff in the car.  We rushed to the hospital just in time for her to push.  We waited in the waiting room for her to be born and we lucky enough to hear her first cry through the walls.  We were welcomed into the delivery room once she was born and got to spend a few precious moments with the birthmother and Violet.  She then asked for the baby to go with us to our own room so she could get some rest.  The hospital stay was so precious!  We got to spend many hours alone with our baby, just getting to know her and learning how to change very small wiggly diapers!  She was so tired and slept most of the time, but Jeff and I did very little sleeping!  We kept staring at her, just making sure she was breathing!  We try and do more sleeping now!  The birthmother and her family also wanted to spend precious time with Violet.  This was a very special time for her.  Her strength radiated from inside her.  Every time we would go pick little Violet up from her room she would thank us for letting her spend time with her.  What a humbling experience.  Here I was a mess for leaving her for a few hours and she was giving me her baby!  She made quite an impact on me in those few days in the hospital.  She loves our baby so much, but is not thinking about herself, but of the baby.  That is true love.

     The birthmother signed over her rights and we took Violet home.  That moment was the most emotional moment of my entire life.  I felt like my heart was being ripped open.  I was so incredibly happy and relieved, but also heartbroken for the birthmother.  We had formed a relationship and it didn't seem fair that she was hurting when I was so blissfully happy.  She kissed Violet and left the building.  Jeff and I took a few moment to compose ourselves and then hugged Violet with more emotion than words can express.  She was our angel baby.

     Violet is a beautiful, happy baby.  We feel so lucky to have her as our daughter.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her birthmother and her sacrifice.  Her pain and sacrifice brought us so much joy.  It doesn't feel balanced.  My prayer for her is that she finds peace and that she knows in her heart how much Violet is loved.  She is the strongest, most self-less woman I have ever met.  We haven't heard from her since we left the hospital.  She is healing.  We continue to send her letters and pictures every few months.  We hope she reaches out to us when she is ready.  We would love to meet with her again and let her see how happy, smart, beautiful, and funny Violet is.  Going through the adoption journey has made us a more loving complete family.  We are getting ready to start the journey again and enter it with hope and compassion.  Adoption is beautiful.